Our last few days

I have been thinking the past few days that I will no longer be the mother of one but the mother of two and even though that makes me very happy, it also makes me very sad. I have spent the past two years spending my days with Patrick. I was telling some of my friends at a baby shower the other weekend that I have not spent a night away from Patrick. We have had the opportunity to leave him at my Mom and Dads house when they were babysitting and he had fallen asleep there, but when it comes to the time to decide to take him home or leave him there I always chicken out. What if he needs me in the middle of the night? I still check on him sometimes in the night because I have a bad dream or think I hear something, and I check on him before I go to bed to make sure he isnt cold or has his legs stuck in the crib or just to even look at him. I have tried to stop doing this because I think it is making it harder for me to think of our time divided by another child. Our alone time has been very precious to me and even now I am tearing up thinking about how his feelings will be hurt because I cant spend all of my attention on him. I am very excited for our new addition to be coming but am very nervous to learn how to still show him all the love I feel for him. I started a journal for him when I was eight months pregnant which I try to keep up with all of his cute new sayings and stories of what he does and making sure how much he means to us. I plan on giving it to him on his baptism day which I hope will someday mean as much to him as it has meant to me to share his early life with him. I am so thankful that he was our first child and he has taught me how to be more loving and patient. I remember my sister telling me a little while after he was born, how surprised she was at how patient I was with him. I was not patient even after we were married, it has been something that I have had to learn as a mother even more because babies are so fragile and the last thing I would want to do is hurt him or yell at him. I want everyone to know how much I love him and I dont look forward to those days when he will go to school and leave me for so long and then grow up and marry some wonderful woman and move away. He is and always will be my baby.